Divergent (2014)

"Stop stroking it and punch the damn thing!"

“Stop stroking it and punch the damn thing!”

Twitter Plot Summary: In dystopian Chicago, the populace is divided into 5 factions based on personality. but if you’re Divergent, you’re a threat.

Five Point Summary:

1. So far, so Hunger Games.
2. Initiation tests in Dauntless.
3. Will she make it through? Of course she will.
4. The plot thickens. Slightly. Like custard.
5. Knife throwing skillz.

We’re…

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A Long Way Down (2014)

A Long Way Down (2014)

The obligatory "all of the main cast in one shot" shot.

The obligatory “all of the main cast in one shot” shot.

Twitter Plot Summary: Four suicidal people meet accidentally on New Year’s Eve and vow not to kill themselves until at least Valentine’s Day.

Five Point Summary:

1. What a coincidence – four on the same roof.
2. A pact is formed. Media glory awaits. Or not.
3. A quick trip abroad.
4. The friendship goes sour.
5. Resolution. Everyone’s happy.

It…

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In Fear (2013)

They couldn't believe the mileage on their hatchback. So much so, they had to stand back and admire it.

They couldn’t believe the mileage on their hatchback. So much so, they had to stand back and admire it.

Twitter Plot Summary: A new couple head off on a road trip which takes a sinister twist after they get lost on country roads.

Five Point Summary:

1. That hotel remains elusive.
2. Something strange is afoot.
3. So what happened in the pub?!
4. Exactly how much petrol have they… oh, it’s ran out.
5.…

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Avalanche Sharks (2013)

Just as silly as this looks.

Just as silly as this looks.

Twitter Plot Summary: Ghostly sharks are unleashed on an unsuspecting ski resort. Yeah, that’s about it.

Five Point Summary:

1. Ghostly sharks. On a mountain. In the snow.
2. Evil Dead “Deadite” cam!
3. Think this was already silly? Wait until the guy starts talking about love…
4. Why won’t you die?!
5. It had to happen, it was… inevitable.

Some ideas sound far better on…

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The Thing (2011)

She had a suspicion that something was going on behind her back.

She had a suspicion that something was going on behind her back.

Twitter Plot Summary: In this prequel to the 1982 film, we see events as they unfold on the Norwegian base. This time there’s also women.

Five Point Summary:

1. OMG – A woman!
2. Some bearded Norwegians and an alien. Standard.
3. Nice twist on the blood test.
4. Some more bad CGI effects.
5. And the link to John Carpenter’s film is…

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The Thing (1982)

Some men would kill for facial fuzz like this.

Some men would kill for facial fuzz like this.

Twitter Plot Summary: An alien life form is uncovered and starts wiping out the all male crew of an American base in Antarctica.

Five Point Summary:

1. Those crazy Norwegians and Kurt’s lovely beard.
2. Tendrils!
3. That head’s trying to escape!
4. The blood testing scene. Very tense.
5. Amazing ending.

The Thing remains one of my all time favourite…

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The Bay (2012)

"I think I might be a bit sick..."

“I think I might be a bit sick…”

Twitter Plot Summary: A reporter discusses a parasitic outbreak in Chesapeake Bay that wasn’t mentioned in the media.

Five Point Summary:

1. Vomiting! Yay!
2. Creepy crawly bugs.
3. Possible zombies?
4. That man has no tongue.
5. Jump scare!

Ahh, another “found footage” style horror movie. Just what I wanted. I may be unduly harsh towards said movie style, but if done…

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The Raid 2 (2014)

The Raid 2 (2014)

Suddenly their game of musical statues took on a far more serious tone.

Suddenly their game of musical statues took on a far more serious tone.

Twitter Plot Summary: Forced to go undercover with the mob, skilled martial artist cop Rama attempts to bring them down from within.

Five Point Summary:

1. Prison time.
2. Working for the criminal underworld.
3. Hobo versus apparently everybody.
4. Car chase.
5. Epic finale. EPIC.

The first film in the series caught be my…

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Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)

Harker could see nothing unusual about the Count's countenance.

Harker could see nothing unusual about the Count’s countenance.

Twitter Plot Summary: Jonathan Harker journeys to the castle of Count Dracula to sell him a house. Unfortunately the Count happens to be a vampire.

Five Point Summary:

1. Mein Gott! Dialogue!
2. Wish those wolves would shut up…
3. He’s looking a bit peaky.
4. Silly run through the courtyard.
5. Never go back for more.

The original…

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Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

Black Widow was already pondering what hairstyle to use in the next film.

Black Widow was already pondering what hairstyle to use in the next film.

Twitter Plot Summary: Cap is back, dealing with corruption within SHIELD and acclimatising to the modern era’s war on fear.

Five Point Summary:

1. Jumping without a parachute.
2. Old school thriller.
3. That’s a lot of old computers. A lot.
4. The plot thickens.
5. Great big explosions!

There was always a concern going into…

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Her (2014)

He took staring blissfully out the window to all new levels.

He took staring blissfully out the window to all new levels.

Twitter Plot Summary: A lonely man falls in love with his computer operating system, Samantha. Happens to us all…

Five Point Summary:

1. Such lovely, handwritten… they’re printed? Say what?
2. Hello Samantha.
3. A picnic and a trip to the beach? Bless.
4. She seems a bit distant…
5. And the inevitable happens.

Theodore (Phoenix) is a writer…

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Dead Poets Society (1989)

Dead Poets Society (1989)

"In the event of a fire, you want to be about this close to the ground so you don't inhale too much smoke..."

“In the event of a fire, you want to be about this close to the ground so you don’t inhale too much smoke…”

Twitter Plot Summary: A group of schoolboys take influence from their free-thinking English teacher to love poetry and carpe diem, baby.

Five Point Summary:

1. Free thinking teacher in the form of Robin Williams? Oh my.
2. Nice cave.
3. But he wants to be an actor, you old fool!
4. Tragedy.
5.…

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Galaxy of Terror (1981)

The size of the giant alien slug had her enraptured, to say the least.

The size of the giant alien slug had her enraptured, to say the least.

Twitter Plot Summary: A rescue mission goes horribly wrong as the crew of the spaceship Quest are bumped off by manifestations of their own fears.

Five Point Summary:

1. Does nobody think to secure all loose items when they lift off?
2. I wish he’d stop shrieking at everything.
3. Sid Haig hasn’t aged in 30 years, it seems.
4.…

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Doc of the Dead (2014)

Doc of the Dead (2014)

Tom Savini's always had at least one body stuck to his ceiling.

Tom Savini’s always had at least one body stuck to his ceiling.

Twitter Plot Summary: A documentary discussing the zombie phenomenon with interviews from famous names in the genre.

Five Point Summary:

1. Fake news bulletin. Standard.
2. Origins of the genre.
3. George Romero. Legend.
4. Fast zombies: good and bad points.
5. Viral infections.

For anybody who has read the majority of my reviews (and if…

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Aguirre: The Wrath of God (1972)

Aguirre: The Wrath of God (1972)

"You want me to do what with the monkey?"

“You want me to do what with the monkey?”

Twitter Plot Summary: A group of intrepid explorers head down river in search of El Dorado, whilst natives pick them off one by one.

Five Point Summary:

1. Lots of people bumped off, very quickly.
2. A trial in the jungle.
3. Operation: Get Behind The Black Guy.
4. It’s gonna blow!
5. Best decapitation scene ever.

The opening of Aguirre: The Wrath of God…

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